Happiness

I've been thinking a lot lately. I think that thinking too much, for me at least, is very dangerous territory.

However, this time, I've been thinkng a lot about happiness and what do I need to acquire in order to remain (relatively) happy? 

I think my fondest memories, ones that I seek to relive, are found in my childhood. There's a special friend in meetings that always says refinding his childlike nature is a by product of working the steps. 

I agree with this because 9 times out of 10 my worries and problems are of my own making. When I was 5 (besides sadness) I didn't really have any problems. No worries. Happiness was effortless and today it can be the same. 

I know how to find happiness within myself today. So when people think they are important enough to fulfill my happiness it makes me laugh, or when j make the mistake of thinkng one person can make me feel validated, happy, sane... I'm making a mistake. 

I'm tired of searching for someone that I fear doesn't exist. The guy of my dreams isn't going to be found on some dating website... He's not going to be found in a bar and honestly he's not so much going to be found anywhere but behind me or I infront of me waiting for our paths to cross, but not really searching for the intersection. 

I am done. You can have it. Here it is. I am letting you have this. I have proven to myself time and time again that I am not good. My picker is broken, and the decisions I make for myself are always bad. You can have it now. 

Misha